Sunday, November 12, 2017

What to look for in a godly man?

A godly marriage requires a godly man and a godly woman. What are the essential traits that a Christian woman should look for in a man she would consider dating or marrying?

1. He must be in Christ

It's not enough that he goes to church, has a title, serves in church, posts about God online, or is a Preacher's kid. It's not enough that he calls himself a Christian. He must be born again and made a new creation in Christ.(John 3:3, 2 Corinthians 5:17) Only when he is born again is He able to (by the power of the Holy Spirit) live a righteous and godly life. What is his conversion story? At what point in his life did he turn from sin and worldliness to serve Christ? Is there a consistent and clear pattern of godly living? Is he pursuing holiness? Or is he double-minded, worldly and in & out the church?  If a guy isn't in Christ no matter how much he performs and tries to "live right" through time you will see his true fruit. He must abide in Christ to bear His fruit.(John 15:4) Inspite of flaws, a man who is in Christ has a genuine love for the Lord and desires to honor Him with his life.

2. Leader

God has called for men to lead. A woman who is submitted to Christ and understands her role desires for a man to lead. C'mon somebody! As Christian women we want to feel secure and comfortable that a man can effectively lead. Is he passive with no backbone? Has he allowed women to control him in the past? Can you see yourself submitting to him? Can you see him leading you spiritually and setting an example to follow? (If he is younger or newer in the faith, he may not be very experienced in leading. It's unfair to compare him to seasoned men of God who have way more years of experience. However, he should prayerfully and actively work on developing leadership.)

3. Broken over sin 

Even as a man of God, he won't be perfect as we are all being sanctified!(1 John 1:8) The question is how does he respond when he falls short? Does he even care that he sinned against God? Does he justify and try to cover up his sin? Or is he broken, grieved, and repentant over sin? Our relationship with sin reveals our relationship with God. If a man loves God, he will also hate his sin. No matter how much he may claim to love God, if he's at peace in a sinful lifestyle it's a clear indicator that he may not know the Lord.(1 John 2:4) Believers should be responsible for our sin being reminded of the gospel, that if we confess our sins Christ is faithful and just to forgive us.(1 John 1:9) You will not see perfection but we should be broken, at war, and repentant over sin.(2 Corinthians 7:10)

“It is not the absence of sin but the grieving over it which distinguishes the child of God from empty professors” -A.w. Pink

4. Spirit-led

Is he very impulsive and makes decisions without prayer or godly counsel? Or does he pray and seek God's direction first? Does he try to make things happen on his own or does he allow God in His timing to open doors? In his pursuit of you is he spirit led? Or is he all over the place, up and down and inconsistent? Do you see more of the fruits of the spirit or deeds of the flesh in his life? (Galatians 5:16-25)

5. Humble and Teachable

How does he respond when he's confronted with sin? How does he respond when he's corrected? Does he ignore everyone and accuses them of being haters, jealous or judgmental? Even if it's not immediately can he come back and take accountability for his actions and humbly admit his mistakes? Can he apologize when he's wrong? Can he take criticism? Does he listen? Or is he a know it all who is prideful, unteachable, and arrogant?

6. Discipline and Self-control

When it comes to sexual purity how is he? Is he seeking to guard his eyes and heart from lust? Does he justify sex outside of marriage? How does he interact with other women? Does he have a reputation of sliding in different women dm? If a man lacks discipline in singleness, it will only manifest in marriage.  If a man cannot be faithful to God with his body in singleness how can you expect him to be faithful to you in marriage? Marriage doesn't cure lust, it only exposes it more! (I truly believe there are brothers who love the Lord who struggle in this area. Until they get the help they need and allow the Lord to do a work in them in this area, I wouldn't go forward.)

7. Grounded in the word

Is this brother invested in knowing his word? Does he study to show himself approved?(2 timothy 2:15) I'm not saying that he has to be a theologian and needs to exegete scripture perfectly lol but does he know the basics of our faith? Can he distinguish between truth and error? Can he discern false doctrine and is able to refute it? As Christian women, we should want a man who can wash us in the word and point us to Christ. (Ephesians 5:26) Also be discerning because there are many men who have head knowledge but have no love for God or no desire to live out all the theology that they know. 

8. Disciple making

Does he have a heart for the lost? Is he seeking to disciple other brothers in the faith? Is he seeking to pour out his life for the glory of God and live out the great commission in his life? (Matthew 28:19-20)

9. Under sound leadership and accountability 

What church does he attend? Is he under a biblically sound Pastor? Sisters listen up this is important!!! How can you follow a man who's following behind false teachers? False doctrine is poisonous to our spiritual walk and can lead us astray.(2 timothy 3:13)  If you were to get engaged, would you want to get marriage counseling from a false teacher? It's important that he sits under a man of God who faithfully preaches the word and gives godly wisdom. Who are his friends? Godly men should have godly friends. If all of his friends are worldly and carnal this is a indicator that he may be too! (Amos 3:3 Can two walk together unless they agree.) 

10. Vision

Does this brother has a plan? I'm sure he doesn't have it all together because we as women sure don't have it all together! He may not have the best job, best credit score, or best car but is he content with staying there? Is he in college, trying to get a better job, being financially responsible or making moves to where he can provide for you if you were to marry? (1 Timothy 5:8) Do you trust his vision and can you see yourself building and growing with him? (Please don't think I'm insinuating getting with a lazy man who has absolutely nothing to bring to the table.)

I hope this blog could be of some encouragement and clarification for my sisters. I think we should also use this blog to examine ourselves. We can't expect these qualities in a godly man if we're not in Christ ourselves and prayerfully working on these areas. Please check out my blog worldy vs godly women. Worldly Vs godly women. Nonetheless, we must be patient and gracious as we are all being sanctified and growing in the Lord. However, if a guy's fruit shows that he doesn't know the Lord sisters PLEASE RUN from unequally yoked relationships. You can't change him, only the Lord can! Above everything else, pray for wisdom and that God's will be done! Please email me if you have questions Love you all!


  1. Your blog post is beautiful.
    you have helped me see the light i almost found myself in a wrong relationship that i was gonna justify because he seems to love me. But if he aint shinning like Christ , you are right,i gatta run very fast.

    I would like you to do a guest post on my blog if you dont mind

    1. Wow praise God sis glory to God! Many of us have been there ready to compromise and settle. Continue to pray and obey God. I pray that if it's in His will that he'll send you a godly man who will love and lead you! Please email me

  2. Another great post! I recently had this same conversation with a co-worker and the topic was about marriage. I explained to her the importance of avoiding fornication and starting the relationship the right way. I also explained to her that if a man will commit fornication with her, he will more than likely commit adultery on her because he has no boundaries. I wish women would understand that if a man is not willfully submitting his heart, life, and body to God, then he is not following God's moral compass and therefore knows no boundaries. Sure, he definitely should be saved and Holy Ghost filled even when he leaves church his fruit should be the same. Ungodly relationships are not worth so women have to be diligent in praying and waiting on God for that right man because the enemy is slick. He'll show you the bait but not the hook underneath.

  3. I know this man that living his life as a godly man, but he often forcibly someone as he please in the name of god, I wonder if that man really are saying the truth or just out of egoism

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  5. Good one. I am a single mom of 2. My enstranged husband abandoned me for 7 yrs now. Currently going through a divorce and unfortunately in Nigeria, the law doesn't protect women. I have been celibate for these years of abandonment. I have been for God's mercy and a second chance at love. This is good. Thanks

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